Chapter 4 - the bag by the crib
Rachel did not walk directly out of the bedroom.
She called Leah first.
Her sister answered immediately.
"Rachel?"
"Stay downstairs."
"Are you hurt?"
Rachel looked at the dried blood beneath her nose.
"Yes."
There was a pause.
Leah's voice changed.
"Did Marcus do it?"
Rachel closed her eyes.
"Yes."
The word hurt more than she expected.
Leah inhaled slowly.
"I'm coming upstairs."
"No. Not yet."
"Rachel."
"I need you calm."
"I am calm."
Rachel almost laughed.
Leah was not calm.
Rachel could hear car traffic behind her and the rapid clicking of a turn signal.
"I'm parked across from your building," Leah said. "Tell me what happened."
"Not on the phone."
"Are you afraid he's listening?"
Rachel looked toward the bedroom door.
"Maybe."
That answer was enough.
Leah said, "I'm calling the police."
Rachel's stomach tightened.
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Rachel, listen to yourself."
"I know."
She sat on the bed.
Eli moved against her.
"I just need to get downstairs."
"Then do that."
"Marcus said he'll call the police if I take Eli."
"He's your child too."
"I know."
"Do you have his birth certificate?"
"Yes."
"Your ID?"
"Yes."
"Medication?"
"Yes."
"Then come down."
Rachel looked at the door.
Simple instructions.
Open door.
Walk out.
Leave.
Her body did not believe it could be that simple.
"What if he stops me?"
Leah's answer came instantly.
"Then I call 911."
Rachel stood.
She placed Eli into his carrier.
He had fallen asleep.
She lifted the diaper bag onto one shoulder and the hospital bag onto the other.
Then she opened the bedroom door.
Marcus was standing near the kitchen.
Elaine sat at the dining table.
Both looked at the bags.
Marcus's face changed.
"No."
Rachel walked toward the front door.
Marcus stepped in front of her.
"Move."
"You're not taking him."
Rachel's hand tightened around the baby carrier.
"I'm going to my sister's."
"We need to discuss this."
"No."
Elaine stood.
"Rachel, you're exhausted. You're not thinking clearly."
Rachel looked at her.
"I am thinking clearly enough to know I don't want my child around someone who throws him."
Elaine's eyes widened.
"I did not throw him."
Rachel felt her phone recording inside her pocket.
"You dropped him onto the bed."
"He was perfectly safe."
"He is twelve days old."
Marcus stepped closer.
"Stop."
Rachel backed away.
He noticed.
That hurt him.
Not because she was afraid.
Because she had shown she was afraid.
His expression hardened.
"I'm not going to touch you."
Rachel said, "You already did."
Elaine whispered, "For God's sake."
Marcus looked toward his mother.
Then back to Rachel.
"This is exactly what I'm talking about. You turn everything into a crisis."
A sharp knock sounded at the apartment door.
Marcus froze.
Rachel knew Leah had ignored her instruction.
The knock came again.
"Rachel?" Leah called.
Marcus swore quietly.
Rachel moved toward the door.
Marcus blocked her.
Leah heard something.
"Rachel?"
Rachel raised her voice.
"Call the police."
Marcus stepped away immediately.
Rachel saw it happen.
The calculation.
The understanding that Leah was outside.
The possibility of witnesses.
His entire posture changed.
He walked backward.
"Nobody needs the police."
Rachel opened the door.
Leah stood in the hallway.
The moment she saw Rachel's face, every bit of anger disappeared from her expression.
What replaced it was worse.
Fear.
"Oh my God."
"I'm okay."
"No, you're not."
Leah looked past her at Marcus.
"What did you do?"
Marcus raised both hands.
"She fell."
Rachel turned toward him.
"You just admitted through the bedroom door that you grabbed me."
Marcus stared at her.
Elaine said, "She's twisting his words."
Leah stepped into the apartment.
Rachel caught her arm.
"Don't."
Leah looked at Eli.
"Is he okay?"
"I think so."
"You think?"
"Elaine dropped him onto the bed."
Leah looked at Elaine.
Elaine's face turned red.
"I placed him down."
Rachel said, "We need to go."
Marcus moved toward the door.
"Rachel, if you walk out now, don't expect to come back and pretend everything is normal tomorrow."
Rachel looked at him.
The strange thing was that until he said it, some part of her had imagined exactly that.
Leave.
Calm down.
Return.
Accept apology.
Pretend.
That had been the rhythm of their marriage.
Marcus saw something in her expression.
His voice softened.
"Think about what you're doing."
Rachel nodded.
"I am."
She carried Eli into the hallway.
Leah took the bags.
Marcus did not stop them.
He simply watched.
The elevator arrived.
Rachel stepped inside.
Marcus stood in the apartment doorway.
"Thomas doesn't know what happened," he said.
Rachel looked at him.
The elevator doors began closing.
She said, "Then why are you scared of what he heard?"
Marcus moved forward.
The doors closed between them.
Rachel's knees nearly collapsed.
Leah caught her.
"Stay with me."
Rachel began shaking.
Not crying.
Shaking.
Leah held the bags and pressed the elevator button repeatedly as if that could make it move faster.
When they reached the lobby, Rachel looked through the glass doors.
She expected Marcus to come running down the stairs.
He did not.
Outside, Leah opened the passenger door.
Rachel secured Eli's carrier in the back.
Then she saw a message on her phone.
Unknown number.
Rachel almost ignored it.
She opened it.
Thomas Whitaker.
I got your number from Marcus's emergency contact file. I apologize for contacting you directly.
Another message followed.
I believe you should know that Marcus has now told me you injured yourself during what he described as a postpartum episode.
Rachel stared at the screen.
May you like
Then Thomas sent one more line.
That is not what I heard.
