Chapter 1 - three weeks without sleep)
Three weeks earlier, Alessandra had believed exhaustion was supposed to feel beautiful.
People had warned her that newborns did not sleep.
They had laughed about cold coffee, unwashed hair, and walking through the house at three in the morning with a baby who seemed convinced darkness was an emergency.
Nobody had warned her how lonely exhaustion could become when the person sleeping beside you simply chose not to see it.
Theo was six days old the first time Alessandra realized Colin was not going to help.
It was 2:13 in the morning.
Theo had been crying for twenty minutes.
Alessandra sat on the edge of the bed nursing him while fighting to keep her eyes open.
Her back ached.
Her stitches hurt.
Every muscle in her body seemed to pulse with its own exhaustion.
Colin rolled over.
“Can you take him somewhere else?”
Alessandra stared at him.
“What?”
“I have a meeting at eight.”
“So?”
“So I need sleep.”
Theo released a small cry.
Colin pulled a pillow over his head.
Alessandra waited.
She expected him to laugh.
To apologize.
To realize what he had said.
He did none of those things.
She stood carefully, carried Theo into the hallway, and closed the bedroom door behind her.
Marcia was awake in the kitchen.
She had moved into the guest suite two days before Theo’s birth, supposedly to help.
She was drinking tea.
“You’re holding him too much,” she said.
Alessandra looked down at her six day old child.
“He’s crying.”
“Babies cry.”
“I know.”
“If you pick him up every time, he’ll control you.”
“He’s six days old.”
Marcia smiled without warmth.
“You’re very sensitive.”
That phrase would become the soundtrack of Alessandra’s next three weeks.
You’re sensitive.
You’re emotional.
You’re overreacting.
You’re tired.
You misunderstood.
Colin never said that.
Marcia was trying to help.
By the second week, Alessandra had begun questioning things she knew had happened.
One afternoon she found a bottle warming on the counter.
She had no memory of placing it there.
Marcia saw her staring.
“You did that twenty minutes ago.”
“I did?”
“Yes.”
Alessandra pressed her fingers against her temple.
She could not remember.
Marcia watched her carefully.
“You really are exhausted.”
There was concern in her voice.
But something about the way she studied Alessandra made her uncomfortable.
Later that evening, Alessandra told Colin.
“I think I’m losing track of things.”
He barely looked up from his phone.
“You need a routine.”
“I need sleep.”
“Then sleep.”
“When?”
“When Mom watches Theo.”
Alessandra stared at him.
“Your mother doesn’t watch Theo.”
“She said she does.”
“She holds him for ten minutes while I shower.”
Colin sighed.
“See? This is exactly what she means.”
“What does she mean?”
“That nothing anybody does is enough for you.”
Alessandra went very still.
“Did she say that?”
Colin returned to his phone.
“You’re making everything into a fight.”
The next morning, Alessandra called her father.
Giorgio answered on the first ring.
“Good morning, sweetheart.”
Hearing his voice nearly made her cry.
She turned toward the kitchen.
Marcia was standing there.
Watching.
Alessandra forced a smile.
“Hey, Dad.”
“How’s my grandson?”
“He’s good.”
“And my daughter?”
She looked at Marcia.
“I’m good too.”
There was a pause.
Giorgio knew her too well.
“You sure?”
“Just tired.”
“I can send Maria over.”
Maria had been Alessandra’s childhood nanny and later became the Moretti family house manager.
Alessandra almost said yes.
Marcia shook her head.
Very slightly.
“No,” Alessandra said. “We’re fine.”
Another pause.
“All right.”
Then Giorgio added, “You call me if fine changes.”
After she hung up, Marcia smiled.
“You don’t need your father running this house.”
“I know.”
“Colin already feels like Giorgio looks down on him.”
“He doesn’t.”
Marcia laughed softly.
“You’re his daughter. Of course you think that.”
That evening Colin came home irritated.
“Did you call your dad?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“To talk to him.”
“He offered to send someone here.”
Alessandra looked toward Marcia.
“You told him?”
“She didn’t have to. Dad called me.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
Colin dropped his keys onto the counter.
“Stop involving your father every time life gets difficult.”
“I didn’t involve him.”
“You always do.”
Theo began crying upstairs.
Alessandra turned immediately.
Colin said, “Let him cry.”
She stared at him.
“He needs feeding.”
“You fed him.”
“Two hours ago.”
Colin looked at his mother.
Marcia gave a weary smile, as though Alessandra were an unreasonable child.
Something cold moved through her.
She walked upstairs without another word.
That night, while Theo slept against her chest, Alessandra opened her phone and found three missed calls from Giorgio.
She had never heard the phone ring.
She checked the settings.
The ringtone was turned off.
She did not remember doing that.
Then she opened her messages.
There was a text from her father.
I tried calling Colin. He said you were asleep. Call me tomorrow.
Alessandra looked across the bedroom.
Colin was sleeping.
She stared at him for a long time.
Then she noticed her phone screen again.
One message had been deleted.
She could see the gap in the conversation.
She did not know what it had said.
May you like
But someone had opened her phone.
And someone had not wanted her to read it.
