Chapter 1 - business hours
Twelve days after Rachel Collins gave birth to her son, she learned that newborns had no respect for corporate calendars.
Eli did not care that his father had a nine o'clock conference call.
He did not care that Marcus was presenting quarterly projections.
He did not care that Marcus's boss, Thomas Whitaker, had joined from Chicago or that three senior managers were listening.
Eli cared about warmth.
Milk.
Being held.
And the strange, uncomfortable world he had been dropped into less than two weeks earlier.
That morning, Rachel had slept for perhaps ninety minutes.
Not ninety minutes in a row.
Ninety minutes total.
Her body still hurt from childbirth. Her back ached. Her breasts were sore. Her emotions seemed to move through her without warning.
She loved Eli so intensely that sometimes looking at him frightened her.
She also desperately wanted ten uninterrupted minutes in a shower.
Marcus had slept seven hours.
He had complained that it was not enough.
At 8:42, he walked into the kitchen wearing a white shirt and dark trousers.
"Important meeting today," he said.
Rachel was standing beside the counter with Eli against her shoulder.
"Okay."
"I need the apartment quiet."
Rachel looked down at the twelve-day-old baby.
"I'll explain it to him."
Marcus stared at her.
Rachel was too tired to smile.
"I'm joking."
"I'm serious."
"So am I. He's twelve days old."
Marcus took his coffee.
"My boss doesn't need to hear screaming in the background."
"Then close your office door."
"You know sound carries."
Rachel shifted Eli.
Marcus glanced at the baby with irritation.
Not affection.
Not concern.
Irritation.
"Feed him before nine."
"I fed him twenty minutes ago."
"Then he should be fine."
Rachel almost asked what medical school Marcus had attended during the night.
Instead, she said nothing.
That had become easier during pregnancy.
Marcus liked silence when he was irritated.
Elaine liked obedience.
And because Elaine had arrived "to help with the baby" three days after Rachel came home from the hospital, Rachel had been managing both of them.
Elaine entered the kitchen carrying a folded dish towel.
She looked at Rachel's loose gray T-shirt.
"You're still wearing that?"
Rachel looked down.
"It has been a busy morning."
"Marcus has people seeing the house behind him on camera."
"His camera points at a wall."
Elaine sighed.
"You always have an answer."
Rachel kissed Eli's head.
At 8:58, Marcus disappeared into the spare bedroom he had converted into an office.
At 9:06, Eli began crying.
Rachel fed him again.
He stopped.
At 9:19, he began crying again.
Rachel changed him.
He stopped.
At 9:34, he began crying again.
Rachel walked the living room with him against her chest.
Elaine appeared.
"What is wrong with him?"
"He's a baby."
"You need to establish a routine."
"He's not even two weeks old."
"Marcus slept through the night at this age."
Rachel looked at her.
She had learned that every story Elaine told about Marcus's infancy made him sound like a small accountant.
Never cried.
Never spit up.
Never woke his mother.
Apparently understood tax law by six months.
Eli cried harder.
Marcus's office door opened.
"Rachel."
She turned.
Marcus stood in the hallway.
"I'm handling it."
"They can hear him."
"I'm trying."
"Try somewhere else."
Rachel stared at him.
"Where?"
"The bathroom. The bedroom. I don't care."
Elaine said, "Take him farther from Marcus's office."
Rachel took Eli into the bedroom.
She shut the door.
The baby continued crying.
Rachel rocked him.
She sang quietly.
She fed him again.
Nothing worked.
Eventually Eli's cries weakened into exhausted whimpers.
Rachel placed him carefully in the bassinet.
Her bladder hurt.
She had been putting off going to the bathroom for almost an hour.
She left the bedroom door open so she could hear him and stepped into the bathroom ten feet away.
She had barely sat down when Eli started crying again.
Rachel closed her eyes.
"Coming, baby."
Then Marcus shouted from the office.
"For God's sake."
Rachel heard his footsteps.
Fast.
Heavy.
She tried to stand.
Marcus reached the bathroom first.
He pushed the door open.
"I told you to keep him quiet."
Rachel pulled her clothes into place.
"He's twelve days old, Marcus. I can't schedule when he cries."
"You've been home all day."
The sentence stunned her.
She looked at him.
"I gave birth twelve days ago."
"And I've been working."
"So have I."
Marcus laughed once.
It was not a pleasant sound.
"You call sitting around holding a baby work?"
Rachel walked toward the door.
Marcus blocked her.
"Move."
"Fix the problem."
"What problem?"
"The screaming."
"He's hungry or tired or uncomfortable. That's what newborns do."
Marcus grabbed her wrist.
Rachel pulled back.
"Let go."
From the hallway, Elaine said, "Don't start a scene."
Rachel stared past Marcus.
"I'm starting a scene?"
Eli screamed from the bedroom.
Marcus's face changed.
Something cold entered it.
Rachel saw his hand rise.
Not toward her face.
Toward her hair.
His fingers closed near the back of her scalp.
Rachel screamed.
Marcus pulled.
Her feet slipped.
"Marcus, let go of my hair."
He dragged her through the bathroom doorway.
Rachel lost her balance.
Her knees hit first.
Then her hands.
Then her face struck the floor.
Pain exploded through her nose.
For several seconds, she could not understand what had happened.
Then she tasted blood.
Eli was screaming.
Elaine stepped around Rachel as though she were an object on the carpet.
"The child is hysterical."
Rachel tried to stand.
Elaine entered the bedroom.
"No."
Rachel pushed herself up.
Blood dropped onto her shirt.
Elaine picked Eli up from the bassinet.
"Give him to me."
Elaine turned and tossed the baby onto the center of the mattress.
Not across the room.
Not hard enough to send him flying.
But carelessly.
Angrily.
Like placing down a bag she was tired of carrying.
Eli's crying changed.
Rachel lunged forward and gathered him into her arms.
Elaine pointed at her.
"You need to control him."
Rachel stared at her.
"He is twelve days old."
"Then teach him."
"Teach him what?"
"That Marcus works during business hours."
Rachel looked at Marcus.
He was touching his wedding ring.
A strand of Rachel's hair was wrapped around it.
For one strange second, all three of them looked at it.
Then Marcus said, "Don't make this into something bigger than it is."
Rachel backed into the bedroom.
She closed the door.
Marcus reached for it.
Rachel locked it first.
"Rachel."
She did not answer.
Eli shook against her chest.
Blood continued dripping from her nose.
Outside, Elaine said, "Don't make this worse for him."
For him.
Rachel looked across the room.
Marcus's laptop was still open on the desk where he had carried it earlier while adjusting the call setup.
The screen glowed.
A message window was open.
May you like
Rachel walked toward it.
And saw her own name.
