Chapter 5 - three nights without sleep)
By the third night, none of us were sleeping enough.
But exhaustion did not make us equal.
I became slower.
Forgetful.
Tearful.
Mason became mean.
Linda became protective of Mason.
Eli became a baby.
That distinction mattered.
At two forty that morning, Eli started crying.
I fed him.
Changed him.
Walked him.
Checked his temperature.
Rocked him.
He settled for eleven minutes.
Then cried again.
Mason lay beside me with both hands over his ears.
"Make him stop."
"I'm trying."
"I have a meeting."
I did not answer.
"I said I have a meeting."
"I heard you."
"Then do something."
I looked at him.
"What do you think I'm doing?"
He threw the blanket back.
"This is unbelievable."
He left the bedroom.
The door slammed.
Eli screamed harder.
At three ten, I finally put him safely in the bassinet because I needed the bathroom.
I had not used the bathroom alone in what felt like years.
I sat down.
I heard Mason enter the bedroom.
Then Eli cried.
Mason said something I could not hear.
Linda's door opened.
I closed my eyes.
Please.
Just thirty seconds.
Then Mason appeared in the bathroom doorway.
"What are you doing?"
I looked at him.
"What does it look like?"
"He's crying."
"I know."
"So go get him."
"I will."
He stared at me.
"Now."
My exhaustion turned to anger.
"Mason, I am on the toilet."
"I don't care."
That sentence was so absurd I almost laughed.
Instead I said, "Give me one minute."
He stepped inside.
"Everything is one minute. One feeding. One diaper. One nap. One more thing for him."
"Get out."
"You don't even hear yourself."
"Get out of the bathroom."
Behind him, Eli cried harder.
Linda entered the bedroom.
"Oh, for God's sake."
Mason pointed toward the bassinet.
"See?"
"See what?"
"You don't care."
Something in me snapped.
"I haven't slept more than two hours in a row since he was born."
"Neither have I."
"You sleep in the guest room half the time."
"Because of him."
"He's your son."
Mason's face changed.
"I know that."
"Then act like it."
I stood and reached for my robe.
His hand caught my hair.
For half a second, my brain did not understand.
Then he pulled.
Hard.
I cried out.
My feet slipped.
"Mason!"
He dragged me toward the doorway.
"You want to act like I'm useless? Fine. Go deal with him."
I fell forward.
My face struck the floor.
Pain exploded through my nose.
I heard Linda gasp.
Eli screamed.
For one second nobody moved.
I touched my face.
Blood covered my fingers.
Mason stared down at me.
His anger vanished.
"Anna."
I crawled backward.
"Don't touch me."
"I didn't mean for you to fall."
Linda rushed past us.
Not toward me.
Toward Eli.
She lifted him from the bassinet.
His crying became louder.
"Stop it," she said.
I looked up.
"Give him to me."
"This baby is destroying this house."
"Linda."
"Mason hasn't slept."
"Give me my son."
She carried Eli toward the bed.
Then, with a frustrated motion that I would replay in dreams for months, she threw him downward onto a pile of blankets.
He landed on his back.
The blankets softened the impact.
He cried.
Everything inside me disappeared except him.
I crawled.
Mason said my name.
I ignored him.
Blood dropped onto the carpet.
I reached Eli.
Lifted him.
Checked his head.
His face.
His arms.
His breathing.
Linda was still talking.
"He is fine. For God's sake, it was blankets."
I stood.
The room tilted.
I held Eli against me.
Mason stepped closer.
"Anna, sit down."
"Stay away."
"You are bleeding."
"Stay away from us."
He looked offended.
"From us?"
I backed toward the bathroom.
He followed.
"Seriously?"
I stepped inside.
"Anna."
I shut the door.
Locked it.
Mason grabbed the handle.
"What the hell are you doing?"
I dragged the hamper beneath it.
Linda's voice came through the wood.
"Stop being ridiculous."
Mason hit the door with his palm.
"Open it."
I held Eli.
My phone was in my robe.
I called 911.
The dispatcher answered.
I whispered my address.
Outside, Mason kept talking.
And for the next nine minutes, he destroyed every excuse he would later try to use.
He admitted pulling me.
He admitted being angry.
Linda admitted throwing Eli onto blankets.
Mason said the baby had stolen his wife.
Linda told him he deserved sleep.
I said almost nothing.
I did not need to.
They were doing the work for me.
Then the police knocked.
By sunrise, Mason was no longer inside the house.
Linda was gone too.
Eli and I were in the hospital.
And a doctor was asking me a question I had spent six years avoiding.
"Do you feel safe going home?"
May you like
For the first time, I answered honestly.
"No."
